top of page

Bodies of Pain in Relationships

We are so desperate for Love, that we tend to cling to anything that vaguely reminds us of that. Choosing something out of that desperate "need", that tremendous blinding desire, is not a real choice but an addiction, and we become beggars of Love. We don't dare to set high enough standards. We don't believe that we are allowed to ask better for ourselves.
It's not just ourselves we aren't honoring with this declaration to the Universe, because we are only using the other to fill our void. That way we don't respect the other, not seeing them as the whole, magnificent being that they are. It could just as well have been someone else. They are just here to "fill the gap", to fill our pain. But why do we even need someone else to fill our void? 
We are so scared to look into our own voids, that we unconsciously ask someone else to take care of it for us. Here's the honest truth: They will never know how to.
It is time for us to take responsibility for ourselves, for our personal space, to introduce ourselves with all the hidden corners inside of us and bring them compassion and healing. That is our role, no one else's.
Our void consists of a fundamental pain, that’s there, hidden deep inside us, and just wouldn’t let go. It is the most private, personal feeling that we never share with anyone.
There are many types of pains- the pain we cause to someone else, the pain that is being caused on us, and the pain we inflict on ourselves.
But ultimately, all these bodies of pain come from the same source, the one collective human pain, going through the Earth, contagious. Like a virus. A pain I've felt will transfer itself within moments to a person close to me, because so much pain makes me bitter and cruel, forcing me to throw this pain towards someone else: here, you hold it now, it’s too painful for me, i can’t hold it by myself anymore. The pain then only intensifies itself and multiplies. It will never bring a relief to my own personal pain.
Relationships of families and partners can pass along these bodies of pain between themselves for years. This is how the body of pain multiplies. The guilt you feel now by reading this – that is the manifestation of the multiplying body of pain.
The problem is that deep inside, in our source, we refuse to simply feel that unfathomable pain that follows us always. We can’t stand it, this reality. We will not allow this pain to float to our consciousness and feel it. No, we try to fix it now, quickly. So I’ll just sign up for another retreat, a detox cleanse, buy a self-help book, a 3-week meditation challenge, surround myself with stuff, anything…
But the fact is that this fundamental pain that truly resides in every one of us, just wants us to feel it for a moment. Without trying to solve it. Without avoiding it. It calls us to stop everything we are doing, BE HERE AND NOW and feel it. These immense depths just want to be reached. Touched. Hugged. Be acknowledged.
An inner, personal, private body of pain that is in our essence, inviting us to dive into it and study the depths it holds inside us. Without thinking about what to “do” about it. Without trying to solve it but just to be with it. These are the deepest parts of our souls, waiting to be accessed.
Let us allow ourselves to experience this pain without trying to fight it. The constant fight, chasing our tail trying to solve it, is destined to fail. This is what causes the suffering, not the pain itself. The pain itself is much simpler. It is just us.
And when we truly go and visit our source of pain, when we really dare to dive inside and look into the pandora’s box we are trying to constantly avoid, only then will we feel a relief from our suffering. Only then will we realize how beautiful our pain is. To acknowledge it, love it, surrender to it and open-up to it – that is the only true answer for our suffering. No more circling around. No, inside. As deep as it reaches. The self-exploration of our pain will allow us to discover the most hidden parts of ourselves. And we already know that we’ll discover so much beauty when we’re inside these caves, so much beauty. So much beauty, that everything else will just melt away.
When if not now, will we ever receive the chance to finally know ourselves fully? Our inner complexities are so beautiful. They are miraculous. It is our prerogative and our privilege to get to know all these hidden corners inside of us. The ability to make friends with them will provide us with better self-recognition, it will restore our self-worth, our self-value, it will provide us with immense power and strength, and it will bring back the ability to govern and create our decisions out of choice, and not out of need. It will make us love ourselves fully.
bottom of page