On Being Addicted to Having "Someone" to Love
That familiar statement, in those aching moments, when people desperately look for Love – "I just need somebody already, it doesn't even matter who."
Wait a minute, excuse me! Shouldn't it really do matter who it is?
And the "need", instead of and "want"...
Choosing something out of "need", that tremendous blinding desire, is not a real choice but an addiction. It stems from lack of choice. And nothing good can come out of it. We don't dare to set high enough standards. we don't appreciate ourselves enough, we don't believe that we are allowed to ask better for ourselves, so "OK, it doesn't even matter who, just have somebody already".
And not just ourselves we do not honor when with this declaration to the Universe. If it doesn't even matter who it is that is filling our void right now, we do not respect the other, we do not give him/her the full credit of being a whole, magnificent being. We don't even give this person a real chance. If it doesn’t matter who it is, it just as well might have been someone else. He/she is just there to "fill the gap", to fill our pain, our void, and it almost sounds like an addict needing the next fix.
But why do we even need someone else to fill our void? Our void is no one else's responsibility, and in any case, no one else will know how to fill it like we will, being the only person who is familiar with it.
We are so scared to look into our own voids, that we ask someone else to take care of it for us, which is also an un-dignifying request, neither for us nor for the other person. It is no one else's role.
We have lost control.
It is time for us to take responsibility for ourselves, for our personal space, to introduce ourselves with all the hidden corners inside of us and bring them compassion and healing. That is our role, no one else's.
When, if not now, will we ever receive the chance to finally know ourselves fully? to look into all those hidden corners, these "voids"? It's not really frightening, it's fascinating.
Our inner complexity is so beautiful. It is miraculous.
And it is our prerogative, our privilege, to get to know all those hidden corners inside of us. The ability to make friends with them will provide us with better self-recognition, it will restore our self-worth, our self-value, it will provide us with immense power and strength, and it will bring back the ability to govern and create our decisions out of choice, and not out of need.